2025 Reflections

There was a time in my life where why I couldn't sleep was was the question that kept me up at night. It seems I've come to another season where sleep is also again not my minds top priority. All of 2025 I've been on a journey to find stillness. It started when I really hit my stride in weight loss, dropping below 200 pounds for the first time since I started my recovery journey.  Falling back in love with exercise and really starting to understand how strength training can play a role in that goal was a huge step in the right direction. What this year I’ve gained physically, I honestly never thought I'd have again after getting sick.

I found myself thanks to my work towards Work-Life Harmony finally feeling better about my physical self, with time to dive deeper into who I am, and who I want to be emotionally in this second season of my life. It seems harmony even perfectly planned, still sometimes ends up with a flat note or two.

I've always found stoic philosophy impressive, and in hindsight, I recognize it's somewhat a foundation of work life harmony, but more importantly I now recognize it's what needs to come after you get past the having to work to live and have time, to just live.

Not being stressed by daily Do’s and Dues, I've had time this year to think about what really matters. Funny enough it's the same things that led me to woking on and writing work-life harmony. I want to be a better father, a better husband, a better man.

I've said multiple times this year I wanna be remembered is a “good” man. Many “great” men typically are remembered to not be very good people. But a good man can do great things and remain in good man. Yeah, that comes with sacrifice of some of the great things that you're capable of, but depending on your goals they can be easy things to sacrifice.

So as I sit here reflecting over the past few months, I recognize some things that need to change in me and also some things I need to change in my life to allow room for the growth that I'm so desperate seeking. I found myself sharing, sometimes to a fault and that's taken many people I care about by surprise. I regret this.  Not really me sharing, but how bad I am at it and how that has even hurt people.  Probably cause I have not done it for so long and its falling out of me like vomit like the young man who drank to much and spent the night hugging a toilet a time or two.

I hid those feelings afraid because they sometimes are contradictory to the lifestyle that we created and that I'm so grateful for. But this brings me back to the difference between great and good. It's great to have things. It's a great life when we get exactly what we want when we want it. It's dopamine being used at its finest. But a good life? That to me is more significant. It's harder for sure. But now more than ever, probably because I'm getting older, it matters more than any great thing I can do, buy, or receive.

A good life is one where I wake up each morning, not excited to “do” the day but to just be a part of it. Where I find myself in a position capable of not reacting. Where I don't feel the need to solve, and I'm also not necessarily looking for answers. Places where the moment itself is good enough.  Hopefully I in turn create an environment for those I care about where it can be the same.

So as I looked at 2026, I have to forgive myself as I also ask others for forgiveness for all the shocking I created in the past few months searching for the foundation of who I intend to be in the last half of my life.  I’m also optimistic that I'm headed on the right path. I see now as I write this that scrapes and bruises are unfortunately always part of the process when blazing a trail through a jungle you've never had the opportunity, no scratch that, that you never given yourself the opportunity to walk down.